How to be a Perfect Muslimah Wife♥♥♥

Bismillah Arrahman Arraheem

The rights of Muslim women were given to us by Allah (SWT), who is All-Compassionate, All-Merciful, All-Just, All-Unbiased, All-Knowing and Most Wise. These rights, which were granted to women more than 1400 years ago, and were taught by the perfect example of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW), were given by the one Who created us and Who alone knows what rights are best for our female natures. Allah (SWT) says in the Quran:

"O You who believe! You are forbidden to inherit women against their will, and you should not treat them with harshness, that you may take away part of the Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at time of marriage) you have given them, unless they commit open illegal sexual intercourse. And live with them honorably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good." (An-Nisa 4:19) 

***Create a Calm Household ***

Be willing to set limits and ensure that your way is followed. This is the first and most important thing that you can possibly do. This means limits as to the times, levels of noise and activity and yes, bedtimes. For the parents too, If the kids have to get their parents out of bed for a ride to school that will be a horrible reoccurring situation every morning. That can easily be avoided by going to bed at the same time as your kids, your sleep is important also but don't expect to sleep when your kids need rides to school.


Visualize a calmer home. What do you see? Write down the things that you visualize and turn them into goals to achieve in creating your calmer household. In your subconscious mind, you will unearth a true picture of the house that you'd like to be in - always keep this focus in your mind and work towards it gradually.

Set Up a place in any corner of your house for you and your family to pray and meditate , read and memorize the Qur'an.Islam considers a woman to be equal to a man as a human being and as his partner in this life. Women have been created with a soul of the same nature as man’s. Allah (SWT) says in the Quran:

"O mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person (Adam), and from him (Adam) He created his wife (Eve), and from them both He created many men and women and fear Allah through Whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship). Surely, Allah is Ever and All-Watcher over you." (Al-Nisa 4:1)

Sit down and write a list of the things that seem to be creating the most noise and sense of rushing in your home. These are the first things that you will target with your limits. Consider such things as when you are prepared to receive visitors, limiting the noise level of the TV and limiting to computer usage. And put a ban on running indoors for the little ones.

Write a task chart. This task chart must apply to every single member of the household and it must contain days and deadlines. The larger the job that needs tackling, the longer the timeframe you must give it in order to maintain a calm approach to it - bit by bit will get it done rather than rushing around juggling too many things at once. 

Tidy the clutter away. Clutter enhances the feeling of stress, rushing and inability to think straight. The fewer bits and pieces in your pathway, the calmer you are going to feel. Not to mention the less cleaning up involved. If the kids must keep so many toys, books, and video games, make a deal with them. They can be kept in storage spaces but if they are found strewn across the floor more than 3 times in a row, they will be donated to the nearest charity store. You must mean this and you must be prepared to do it for this ultimatum to have real effect.


Clean as you create. Cooking creates less mess if you can wash items as you use them in between cooking moments. Same for anything that gets used - retrain everyone to put it back where it came from the moment it has been used. Buy storage bins or baskets with labels if this helps to encourage everyone to do the right thing. 

Plan meals. If you are always wondering what to make for dinner, spend half an hour a week (Friday evening is often a good time) to write out a plan of meals. It doesn't have to be incredibly specific or you will dull down the cooking process and spontaneity, but at least write "pasta - Mon", "steak - Tues", "pizza - Wed", "sushi - Thurs", "take-out - Fri". That way you have an idea of the main meal and can decide on the flavors and style on the night, with the main ingredients at hand.
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TIPS ***

Banning TV one day a week and filling the day with outdoor activities, board games or other non-electronic based and family-focused activities is a really marvelous way to create instant calm and it also creates instant family bonding. 

Depending on the ages of your children, vary their chores so that they do not seem so much like chores - one week washing clothes, another week putting out the garbage, another week cleaning the bathroom, and so on. It varies the routine and also introduces them to a variety of chores that they will need to understand later in life.

If the kitchen is central gathering place, invest in a large table and some good storage cupboards for the gear that arrives with each person. Name a door for each person and ask them to always leave their loose bits and pieces and gear in the cupboard and not all over the kitchen table for instant tidiness and calm. 

Read to your kids.

Teach them how to read Qur'an and motivate them in their prayers.Give them books on stories about the prophets and Hadiths.  It costs nothing to check books out of the library. Let them take turns reading a paragraph or page out loud. Get more books they can read on their own. The librarian can recommend books appropriate for their reading levels. Children too old to nap still need a little down time. Establish a daily Qur'an  reading time for the family, even if it's only 30 minutes. During that time, turn off the TV, computer, phones, etc.

 

When figuring out your meals try to make a little extra. Either include it as a side dish, entree or ingredient in another dish later in the week. If you make enough extra you can feed everyone with leftovers for a day or two and not have to really cook.

Instead of arguing with everyone about what they want to eat you should prepare healthy fare and not enter into a debate about meals. Go ahead and get it together. You'll be shocked how much time you've spend debating this, spending extra time preparing extra dishes, spending extra money on processed foods and being a short order cook for weird requests. Eventually everyone will appreciate and eat the meal but it may take time standing your ground to retrain minds.

Sugar, caffeine, high fructose corn syrup, etc. are all stimulants. Try avoiding these ingredients and you'll avoid the sugar highs as well as the sugar crashes that bring about insanity about the home.

Change yourself.

In order to make a home calmer you must start at the base of the problem. The foundation of a family is at the parents. The parents must accept responsibility for their family and every bad situation that goes on in their house. A situation is 10% action and 90% reaction. Life is about the way you react to it, never yell, hit , scream, or threaten your kids with punishments that are way beyond the crime). Yelling and hitting may work in the short term but if your raise your kids in that manner it will only create a unstable child who either has trouble socializing in school, is very aggressive towards other kids, or gives up on life and looks to drugs to be happy. Unreasonable threat that you cannot and should not uphold will only lead to your word being worthless. Instead you should give your children a chance to correct their behavior or loose a reasonable thing.

Settle your differences.

If you and your spouse do not get along their are three options get a divorce, keep fighting the rest of your lives and your children's child hood (not recommended) or settle your differences and be productive instead of destructive. Fighting parents is the absolute ultimate destroyer in a house hold. Change it, You cannot expect anything to change if this does not change first.

Don't expect immediate change.

Instituting any new way of approaching things is hard for both kids and adults. Be gentle on yourself and on other family members. You are trying to change a way of life that all of you have become so used to, it has become a habit. Take it slowly and treat each new calm change as an enormous milestone.

The prophet Alayhi salatu wa salam used to seek Allah's protection by saying:

" U'eethukumaa bikalimaatil-laahit - taammati min kulli shaytanin wa haammatim, wa min kulli 'aynin laammatin.

I seek protection for you in the Perfect Words of Allah from every devil and every beast, and from every envious blameworthy eye.

Reference:

Al-Bukhari4/119.